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I honestly don't know why I'm such a shit person.
I mean sure the doctors could blame it on the loss of two fathers,
They could blame it on the death of my best friend,
They could blame it on losing my virginity to a boy who will never love me completely.
They could blame it on anything.
I know it's not any of those things.
Those don't hurt me, as fucked up as that sounds.
I was just a kid when my dad died.
I didn't know what the fuck happened.
I didn't care when my step-dad peaced out.
I didn't like him anyway.
I did care about losing my best friend.
But I'm not mourning his absence anymore.
I also cared about that boy,
But he misses someone that died too.

So why am up crying at odd hours of the night?
Why am I so hollow inside?
Why do I honestly feel like there's nothing to live for?
It's not right.
There shouldn't be new cuts on my body.
There shouldn't be scratches in my throat from self induced vomiting.
There shouldn't be a familiar feeling of empty.

What the fuck is wrong with me.