Friday, May 24


Honestly, I don't think I'll ever be "over you". I love you more and more each day and I know that we'll never be together, but it still makes me feel like there's hope. I just don't understand how you can go and choose someone else when I've been the best thing you could ever ask for. And the reason I won't date that other guy is because I don't think he's worth it. If he judges me for not being over you that's not my problem. I told him going into this that I wasn't going to date him because I didn't think it would be good for me to be in a relationship when I could still see myself being back in a relationship with my ex. I just don't understand why nothing seems to go my way. I guess you've got to like yourself first though. So I guess that's my problem.

Tuesday, May 14


Do you ever think that maybe there is something more to you than who you are?
Do you feel like you have so much potential, but you don't know for what?
Do you want to scream out at the top of your lungs and say "I FUCKING EXIST"?
I don't think I know who I am. I just try to exist.
I feel like there's something I am supposed to do with my life, but I don't know for what.
I just want to feel. I want to believe again.
I'm nothing but the ghost of a person.
A shell of something that's so much greater.
I can't escape the feeling that there's something missing from my soul.
Like there's supposed to be something else there to make me come alive.
I'm honestly so sick of feeling dead inside.

i can't

I knew this was coming. He was away at college for a year...of corse he would be dating someone.
I didn't think he'd bring her here. Much less to my WORK. Do you know how embarrassing it is to cry at work? Everyone watches and knows exactly what's going on. It's terrible.

Why doesn't he love me? :(
I haven't do anything wrong.
She's just older.
I guess I don't need him anyway.
But I'm not strong enough to not care.
I need attention from boys.
It's not something I like.
But I do it.
I need it.
It's the only time I feel beautiful.
It's like being on a longboard.
With one push you're just coasting and it's the most freeing experience in the world.
I just don't know how to cope without him.
And what makes it harder is that he's still trying to talk to me.
Because he still loves me.
I just can't do this anymore.
Game over.

Wednesday, May 8


"We could rule the world...let's start with the ants."
"Let's go to the moon."
"I would meet you in heaven the second I found out you killed yourself."
"Goodnight, dream of me."
"I had a dream I crossed the finish line and ran to you and kissed you."
"I love you more."
"Can I call you? I miss your voice."
"I fucking hate you. Never talk to me again."
"Abby I'm sorry, I really miss you please talk to me. I know you deleted my number so here it is..."
"When you're in my arms it's the best feeling."
"I can't sleep...come cuddle with me."
"I love you."

I just...I mean I know people change but don't you still care about me?
Literally every word you've ever told me is stuck in my head just going in circles.
I still just love you so much I can't think of my life without you.


The entire reason I'm excited for summer is because this is the year I'm going to get smaller. This summer I'll do it. I'm away for an entire month, then I'm away for a week the next month, and concerts the next month. I'll have absolutely all the time in the world to do this. I'll also start running since I have a training buddy now. And time I don't spend on the run will be spent in the water. Or playing violin. Or with friends. Summer cannot come soon enough. These three weeks seem like foreverrrrrrrrrr.