So, I've been trying to start up a food diary blog for a while now, and I finally did. I don't have any real posts there yet, but I'm going to try to make it a daily thing and not very personal. Like for the layout of it I want it to be really professional since this blog is my primary blog and my personal blog. I've been thinking of doing something like this:
"Month day, year
Food name: x cals
Food name: x cals
Food name: x cals
(+) Above/Below (-)"
I don't really want to put my weight on there because 1, I don't have a scale. 2, I don't think that would be the best thing for me personally, I like going by measurements (ex, thighs-xinches...) so I might do something like that, but keep it to like a once a week body check. Anyway, I'll leave the link in the comments in case any of you guys want to check it out.
Love and light,
Thursday, November 13
I've really wanted to make vlogs for a long time, and each time I watch a video on Youtube I feel even more inspired. I just get really scared to, because I know I'm not the only person to have an eating disorder in the whole world, but it feels that way. And even though the internet is seemingly infinite I'm so scared that if I do make a video and tell my story that it'll get around to someone I know. And I don't want anyone I know to know about the war in my head. I mean I want to help people, and I want them to know I'm here to talk to them if they need it, but I don't want anyone to recognize me in real life. I haven't told anyone about my ED that's in my immediate family, my mom thought it was a phase and never took it seriously. I don't want my coworkers or anyone else to find out either. I guess I feel ashamed. I still don't look like I have an eating disorder, so I feel like they would just think I'm looking for attention. I mean, I don't think my videos would get big or anything, but if I don't make a video than there's absolutely NO chance they even could go viral. I'm still insecure and I really do get scared that some day I'm going to be found out.
Sunday, November 9
My friend's been in this horrible relationship for a few years now, and it annoys the hell out of me because she doesn't want to help herself out of it. He's a horrible human being who always calls her a explicit names when she does anything a normal person should be able to do, like talk to her partners in class activities who just so happen to be boys. That's totally normal and while I can see why he would be jealous that's no reason to be rude to her.
But what's more annoying is that she doesn't try to get out. She tells me every day that she doesn't know why she's with him and then tells me she doesn't even like him. I understand getting lonely, honestly I do, but that's no excuse. Then she gets mad when her mom tells her she shouldn't be staying out late with boys because she "hates how my mom thinks I'm a whore". when she is, in fact having sex with him. I mean, I don't think having sex is a bad thing, but she acts like her mom is making false accusations for no reason. YOU ARE STAYING OUT LATE AND HAVING SEX WHAT DO YOU WANT YOUR PARENTS TO THINK???
I'm just over hearing about the whole relationship. Yes, you can have sex. No, he isn't a good person. Yes, you are and idiot for going back time after time. No, I don't hate you for your decisions. I just love you so much and it's horrible to see you going through this without putting up a fight...I know you think we were in the same position with our relationships but I can admit that mine wasn't worth pursuing anymore. We were at different points in our lives when we got together and now were at even more different parts of our lives. That's okay. That doesn't mean I don't love him anymore, it just means we're not supposed to be together right now. But not once did he call me a whore, or lay so much as a finger on me. He was nice enough, a player sure, but he never threatened to tell my parents how we had sex when we were both in high school. He didn't pull half the shit her boyfriend does and for that reason it's not fair to compare them.
I just don't know how much of this annoyance I can take.