Monday, September 30
This month I had the honor of going to the SkillsUSA national leadership in Washington D.C. I had the best time there, and I met a ton of great people. One person I met in particular was this girl, Angelina. Now, I've never seriously considered dating a girl before. I mean it's one thing to kiss girls, but that's basically just an attention stunt. The second I saw this girl though, I was like wow, I need to talk to her. And so when we had our dance, I did. I got so nervous because for one, I liked her. Two, she was a girl and no one there even knew I liked girls, including myself. So i waited until she was alone, because I didn't want any of her other friends to notice me and tell me she had a girlfriend or anything. I went up to her when she was sitting at a table and I told her "Hey, I just wanted to tell you I think you're really cute." and then she asked me to go get a drink with her. So then we sat talking and drinking juice and it was great. We took cute pictures and then she gave me her number. Which was awesome. So in order to start a texting conversation I just sent her the pictures that we took. It's been like a week now, and we haven't stopped talking since. We've been talking on the phone and everything, but yesterday we had a serious conversation, and I just don't think I can handle it. I like her a lot, but there's something about relationships that just freaks me out. and the fact that we're being serious already and we live so far away makes me think it's not going to work. She's so cute though, and I just don't want to hurt her. She's the sweetest girl in the world and if I hurt her I would never be able to get over it if she's so upset with me. In another turn of events, Ian text me and told me he has a girlfriend now. So I guess we're really over...and honestly it kind of sucks. I just don't know. Right now, I just want to have fun. I don't actually want to be serious right now, I'm not ready for that. I mean I want a kid and stuff but I'm not ready for a marriage. I don't know what to do.
Wednesday, September 4
School's just been in session for about a week, and I'm already stressed out. The classes aren't that bad, except for one. Spanish 3 on Apexvs.com is probably the worst class I've ever taken, and it's stressing me the fuck out. Not only can I not speak spanish to save my life, but I can't focus enough to actually do any of the study sheets. I try my hardest honestly, but the words just don't click in my head and I can't do it. My mind doesn't stay focused on the sentences the way I would like to. I just think about how far and far behind my work is compared to how far ahead of schedule I am on the actual course. I just don't understand why we even need to do them since they don't even count as grade work. They're just annoying and obviously I can pass the tests without them so they're irrelevant. Ugh. So much for an awesome Senior Year.