Still with me? Great! So let's start with this, I got caught purging the other day. Not in person, but on the phone.
For those of you who don't know what that means here's the dictionary.com definition:
"to rid of whatever is impure or undesirable; cleanse; purify"
Which is basically what I'm talking about, in another sense though. What I'm talking about is often called "binging and purging" or b/p. I'm assuming I don't have to explain that.
Okay, now I'm going to set this story up in a way that hopefully will make you understand how I felt.
Part 1:
You haven't kept any food down in days and you're feeling invincible.
You come home to an empty house and decide to eat a snack
You eat an apple and whatever else you find
You pull out your scale and see how much you weigh.
You don't like the number.
You try not to think about it, you try really hard.
You try and distract yourself.
It doesn't work.
Now you're scared.
You know what you have to do, but you'd do anything not to.
You're panicing and before you know it you're in the bathroom.
You run the shower just in case someone comes home.
You're leaning over the bowl, holding your hair back.
You don't even need any help anymore,
You cry as everything leaves your body.
Your throat burns,
You stomach feels like it's on fire.
Still you continue,
until you see blood.
You can't even cry anymore, all your energy is gone.
You flush it all down,
You put some leave-in shampoo on your hair to mask the smell.
Then your phone rings.
The one person you love the most is calling.
You know if you answer they'll know what's going on.
You answer.
This is what really goes on in your life. This is one of the things you don't want anyone to find out. What's worse than letting the only person you care about down? Nothing's worse than feeling alone. Wait -- I take that back, the only thing worse than feeling alone is actually being alone.
You won't tell anyone about this will you? Pinky promise? perfect.
For those of you who don't know what that means here's the dictionary.com definition:
"to rid of whatever is impure or undesirable; cleanse; purify"
Which is basically what I'm talking about, in another sense though. What I'm talking about is often called "binging and purging" or b/p. I'm assuming I don't have to explain that.
Okay, now I'm going to set this story up in a way that hopefully will make you understand how I felt.
Part 1:
You haven't kept any food down in days and you're feeling invincible.
You come home to an empty house and decide to eat a snack
You eat an apple and whatever else you find
You pull out your scale and see how much you weigh.
You don't like the number.
You try not to think about it, you try really hard.
You try and distract yourself.
It doesn't work.
Now you're scared.
You know what you have to do, but you'd do anything not to.
You're panicing and before you know it you're in the bathroom.
You run the shower just in case someone comes home.
You're leaning over the bowl, holding your hair back.
You don't even need any help anymore,
You cry as everything leaves your body.
Your throat burns,
You stomach feels like it's on fire.
Still you continue,
until you see blood.
You can't even cry anymore, all your energy is gone.
You flush it all down,
You put some leave-in shampoo on your hair to mask the smell.
Then your phone rings.
The one person you love the most is calling.
You know if you answer they'll know what's going on.
You answer.
This is what really goes on in your life. This is one of the things you don't want anyone to find out. What's worse than letting the only person you care about down? Nothing's worse than feeling alone. Wait -- I take that back, the only thing worse than feeling alone is actually being alone.
You won't tell anyone about this will you? Pinky promise? perfect.
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