I'm sorry I only went to like three practices. I'm sorry I didn't make it to the only dress rehearsal. I'm sorry I ditched at contest. I don't know why I do these things. I know I want feeling it really, but I'm usually not one to just quit. But it seems like that's all I've been doing this year. I dropped out of almost everything. And I don't really feel bad about, which makes me feel bad. I don't feel bad about letting everyone down. I feel bad because it's out of character for me and I feel like I have to stay in that character. I know logically, there's no real consequence to me skipping contest. The good actors are still going to get awards. The good plays are still going to move on. And I seriously only said four words the entire play and it doesn't detract from the play if you skip over all four of them. I just...I feel compelled for some reason to not go. Something told me not to. And even when I flipped a coin (three times to be exact) it always landed on the "don't go" side. Even the universe didn't want me to go. I just don't want you to hate me. And I've come up with a few excuses but I really just don't want to talk about it at all. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm sorry.
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