I can't handle this

I've been crying for a few hours now. My mom is making my life so complicated. I'm done with all the guys she brings into my life. I'm done with her leaving me sometime during the night without telling me, so I have to find out when I go to her room because I'm sick only to find she's not there and her keys are gone, then seeing her crawl back in around 10am. Sure, maybe I'm still hung up on the fact that my dad's DEAD, and the the other man who was in my life divorced (because she was sleeping with some other guy.), and for some reason that affair didn't work out so who else to move on with but his brother? Classy, Mom. So I'm sorry if I don't believe you're just friends with a guy who asks you to spend the night and meet his children. So fucking sorry. I'm sorry I don't look up to you the way you think I should. I'm sorry you leave me here to watch my brother while you do whatever the hell it is you're doing. But it's not fair you're telling me I can't move out because you need my paycheck to keep the house. Hello, WHY DON'T YOU GET A JOB.  I'm sorry I can't tell you any of this because we never have REAL conversations. I'm sorry you decided to have children without thinking they might need you. The only good thing you've done is get your tubes tied, because I swear if you had another kid I would kill myself. What do you expect me to do? I'm only a kid...