4-7-17

I haven't been on here in so long i almost forgot my login info. but i dont know where to go anymore and somehow i end up back here.

i'm so sad and it all happens so quickly
im doing so well but it doesn't last long
and i dont know why
im 17 lbs from being underweight
im so heartbroken
im so lonely and no matter whos bed im in at the end of the night i still wake up alone
i still wake up being myself
and i wish i had a better way to say these things or even a little more structure to my thoughts
but i cant think in full sentances and what i want to say doesnt come out quick enough
but i cant
and some times i say the same thing two or three times cause i get stuck on it
or i dont remember i said it
or i think so much about it i dont know if i said it or not
but im so sad and i dont know why im not enough
and maybe if im small enough i can erase the parts people dont like
or the ones i dont like
or maybe the ones i do
i dont think anyone is listening or even still using this thing
but i need a place to talk
and theres a place here
and i dont want to go back to counseling cause theres nothing for me there
i already tried and he said i was fine
but i was so sad
three days before i thought about dying
not killing myself just not being here
just not being sad