Winter break

I apologize for not posting over the break, I just didn't have time to. I was busy as usual, but this time it wasn't busy for school, it was busy having fun. For the first time in forever I actually didn't care about anything. I was just fine hanging out at home and playing video games until 3am and then sleeping until noon. I guess I've never really felt like I had that much freedom before. Like even summer freshman year I was sent away to a summer college for two months. I felt happy for once.

But nothing is as it seems and there were definitely down sides. Remember Ian? I don't know if I told you guys or not but he started talking to me again in like the first of December. He said he missed me and we spent all our time talking on the phone and things like that. So break comes up and I though we would be spending time together, but he had other plans. He didn't talk to me at all. Not when I said "Merry Christmas" not when I said "Happy birthday" and not when I said "Goodbye". And that hurt. A lot. But I told myself to suck it up and get over it. He wasn't worth it and I would be okay. Well then he goes and post pictures with this other girl and I seriously couldn't handle it. It still kind of hurts. But I realized that I don't want to feel like that anymore. It seems like all he does is make me feel bad about myself and I'm done. I don't plan on talking to him again. I'm just going to disappear as soon as I graduate. I'm going to block him on all social media and on my phone. I won't tell him I'm going to UT (if they accept me) and I won't tell him what salon I'm working in this summer and he won't know what car I'm driving and he won't know anything about me. And if he comes looking for me (there's always hope, right?) I'll probably be at some music festival or getting a tattoo or something. And saying all of this I know sounds a little dramatic, but that's who I am. And for the first time in this relationship, I'm taking control and it feels good.