"Sometimes you gotta fall before you fly."
I've fallen. So what now?
I don't have to be alone, I know that.
But what can I say?
Low self-esteem and high standards make a fatal pair.
I can't even pretend I don't think about you.
I miss you and no matter how many times I say that, nothing will change.
Why's that?
Because I've known you for years.
Because we've been in this same relationship for years.
Because you were my first everything.
Crush,
Kiss,
Date,
Boyfriend,
Sexual experience,
Alcoholic experience,
Drug experience,
anything and everything you've been there for me for.
When my parents divorced.
You were the first person I called,
You came right away.
When I passed out at Disney World,
You carried me to the hotel.
When I lost my friend to suicide,
You were there.
When I was diagnosed with bulimia,
You're the only one that knows.
You're such a big part of my life and you're leaving me is just as real as you dying. We hardly talk. Only for minutes at a time. I don't know how to function safely without you here with me. Being away from you breaks me everyday. I'll catch myself about to turn and tell you something, then realize you're gone.
It's really hard to control my anxiety attacks when I'm alone. I panic. I try distracting myself so I don't cry in the middle of class like a freak. It's not my fault, I'm trying to be normal. I can't tell you how much you mean to me. I didn't realize it before. How does it feel to be miles away from me?
I was there when you're brother moved out.
When you're grandma died and you stayed over at my house.
When you scored your first touchdown on varsity.
When you crossed the finish line at the track meet.
When you lifted at power-lifting.
When your best friend killed himself and you cried in my lap.
When things got naughty in the backseat of your brother's car.
When you tried overdosing.
When you graduated from high school.
We've been through too much to pretend like it doesn't matter.
I can't let you go.
and even if I could,
I wouldn't want to.
You were my first everything and I pray to God you'll be my last.
I've fallen. So what now?
I don't have to be alone, I know that.
But what can I say?
Low self-esteem and high standards make a fatal pair.
I can't even pretend I don't think about you.
I miss you and no matter how many times I say that, nothing will change.
Why's that?
Because I've known you for years.
Because we've been in this same relationship for years.
Because you were my first everything.
Crush,
Kiss,
Date,
Boyfriend,
Sexual experience,
Alcoholic experience,
Drug experience,
anything and everything you've been there for me for.
When my parents divorced.
You were the first person I called,
You came right away.
When I passed out at Disney World,
You carried me to the hotel.
When I lost my friend to suicide,
You were there.
When I was diagnosed with bulimia,
You're the only one that knows.
You're such a big part of my life and you're leaving me is just as real as you dying. We hardly talk. Only for minutes at a time. I don't know how to function safely without you here with me. Being away from you breaks me everyday. I'll catch myself about to turn and tell you something, then realize you're gone.
It's really hard to control my anxiety attacks when I'm alone. I panic. I try distracting myself so I don't cry in the middle of class like a freak. It's not my fault, I'm trying to be normal. I can't tell you how much you mean to me. I didn't realize it before. How does it feel to be miles away from me?
I was there when you're brother moved out.
When you're grandma died and you stayed over at my house.
When you scored your first touchdown on varsity.
When you crossed the finish line at the track meet.
When you lifted at power-lifting.
When your best friend killed himself and you cried in my lap.
When things got naughty in the backseat of your brother's car.
When you tried overdosing.
When you graduated from high school.
We've been through too much to pretend like it doesn't matter.
I can't let you go.
and even if I could,
I wouldn't want to.
You were my first everything and I pray to God you'll be my last.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Whether you're a sinner or a saint, you may comment below. Comments will never be removed regardless of any rudeness, unless it's extremely offensive. -A