It hurts

I try and tell myself I'll be okay. But you know what? Maybe I won't. Maybe there's a reason I always end up losing. It's not okay to be this alone. I mean, I'm not really alone, I have people I text every day to keep each other on track. We're sisters in that sense. But I feel so alone. I'm completely disconnected from everyone I've ever cared about. I push people away without even thinking that maybe they need me. Now I know how that feels. I'm on the outside looking in now. The one person I love has totally shut me out. And, it's all my fault. How could I hurt him like that? We could've been something if I wasn't such an idiot. We could be everything and more. But I'll never get that chance now. He's found someone better, someone he deserves. Which is crazy, because no one ever really gets what they deserve. I can only hope that one day I won't be this way. Maybe I'll be happy, maybe I'll be dead, but I won't be this way.

Sometimes I can't distinguish what's worse.

                              The fact that I don't matter to anyone, or the fact that he does.